


Fade

by tonysbruce



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bruce never gets what he wants, M/M, but also doesn't want to hurt Tony, sadness ensues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 19:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3622227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysbruce/pseuds/tonysbruce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course Bruce's theory about his own post-accident immortality had to be proven wrong now, just when he'd finally found a reason to want to keep living.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fade

For probably far too long, Bruce thought himself to be immortal.

It wasn't any kind of invincibility complex, like some may think-Bruce was too smart for that. He knew that he was far from invincible, just because of how many times he'd been destroyed, or destroyed himself.

No, he wasn't invincible. He was just immortal, so he thought, because it just made  _sense._ The radiation hadn't killed him the first time (although sometimes he wished that it did), and every physical thing about him just seemed skewed in the years following the accident. He aged slower, healed faster. And he definitely lost more easily.

It made sense that he was probably some kind of immortal, but what didn't make sense was allowing himself to get close to anybody that he would just end up outliving anyway. He'd done that before, and it hadn't exactly worked out in his favor.

Until, after much time alone and even more time debating it, he  _did_ allow himself to get close to someone again. And, well… maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

"Morning, babe."

Bruce didn't even have to look away from his half-filled mug of tea to know who had wandered in behind him. The sleep-rough voice was enough of a clue even if a pair of strong, bare arms hadn't snaked around his shoulders, and a tiny grin curled the edge of Bruce's mouth.

"Good morning, Tony." Bruce smiled wider into his mug, feeling the gentle press of Tony's lips against the back of his neck.

"What are you doing up so early?" Tony mumbled, nudging his head a little closer to Bruce's neck so he could rest his chin on the other man's shoulder. "You haven't been up this early in a while. And you're  _dressed_ already? Jesus. Someone's being awfully proactive."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but couldn't help the fond undertones in the gesture. "And someone's being awfully chatty for just having rolled out of bed," he replied, "it usually takes me an hour to get more than a grunt out of you. And since you're so curious, I have some important things to take care of in the lab."

"More important than leaving me in bed alone?"

The pout on Tony's face was nearly audible in his words, and as tempted as Bruce was to just keep his smirk to himself, he couldn't help turning around to look at his boyfriend. He abandoned his tea to swivel around in his chair, and the sight that greeted him prompted yet another smile (Bruce was honestly quite sure that he'd never smiled so much in his life before Tony). His eyes started at Tony's hair, the brunette mop a sleep-mussed disarray atop his head, then traveled slowly down his face, past the engineer's big, inky eyes and soft, full lips, then back to his eyes again. Tony was a truly beautiful man, and Bruce sometimes still wondered how he'd ever ended up here.

God, he was so lucky.

Lucky was something Bruce never thought he would be, quite possibly because he wasn't sure that he would know what it felt like if he was. He'd imagined it, dreamed about it on occasion; but few things he'd ever conjured in his wildest dreams could ever compare to what he had now.

He was so,  _so_ lucky.

He didn't know if he could tell Tony the truth.

Bruce breathed a quiet sigh, the soft smile still on his face, and lifted an arm to place his palm on Tony's cheek. He brushed his thumb over his partner's face for a moment before pulling him into a kiss, letting the contact draw out for a couple extra long moments to savor the closeness and warmth.

"I'll have to meet you in bed later," Bruce said softly as he pulled away, dropping one more little kiss to Tony's mouth between his words." Okay?"

Tony's eyes slid open just as Bruce stood from his chair, and the mechanic could have sworn that he caught a glimpse of some kind of uncertainty in Bruce's eyes just before he ambled off to the lab.

"Okay."

* * *

After the thick glass door to the lab shut tightly and locked him in, Bruce sighed quietly. He didn't like lying to Tony.

Well, it wasn't exactly  _lying,_ Bruce supposed, because he really hadn't said anything at all. If he just kept it to himself, locked it up inside and never let a word slip out, it wasn't being untruthful. It was just being secretive, which was almost as bad as lying anyway, but also something with which Bruce was far more comfortable.

At least he was comfortable with it for now, but then again he wasn't exactly sure if he'd ever be comfortable with the opposite either.

Truth is, Bruce had been experiencing some… changes. And not the good kind of changes, like finally having found a home and somebody to love. Different changes. The kind of changes that looked incredibly bleak for somebody with considerable amounts of gamma radiation running through their veins, and the kind of changes that scared the shit out of him, too.

Changes that felt like he was dying.

Bruce couldn't say he was one hundred percent sure what dying  _really_ felt like, but given his past experiences and what he'd seen others go through, he knew this had to be close to it. Everything lately just felt so much hazier, groggier, more painful; and after all, there was only so long one could survive inside an irradiated body. The radiation poisoning had to happen eventually.

And of course it had to happen  _now,_ when Bruce's days of longing for death were finally over.

Bruce let out another sigh as he walked over to the lab table, a sigh that was shaky with the effort of trying to hold all of this in. He knew that nothing was definite until he ran tests and studied the results, but that didn't make the thoughts any easier to cope with. Even so, he was determined to push it all away just for now while he actually  _ran_ the tests, because shaky hands and a cloudy mind wouldn't make drawing blood very fun.

He let himself be distracted by going through the motions of setting up the tests and letting them run, just focusing on the mechanical movements and equations rather than how he felt about it all. The whole process took a few hours, between letting everything run and gathering all the results, but as much as Bruce tried to make himself relax during that time he couldn't quite get rid of the anxiety creeping through the back of his mind.

The sun had began its slow descent into the horizon by the time every test had ran its course, and Bruce found himself hesitating to turn around. He'd given up on the mathematical distractions a long time ago and ended up hunched over another table, fisting his fingers in his hair and trying to find a way to say goodbye. He hadn't come up with much because everything he'd thought of crumbled away as soon as he pictured the look on Tony's face, so eventually he gave up on that too and forced himself over to his master computer.

He very much wished he hadn't.

* * *

Bruce didn't know how much longer he could do this.

He didn't know how much longer he could handle the haziness, the pain, the ever-intensified itching of the Other Guy under his skin. He didn't know if he could still handle trying to act normal, like everything was okay, when all he was doing every second of every day was lying to the man he loved.

Honestly, Bruce  _couldn't_ handle it. But he had to, somehow.

"Fancy seeing you here, doc."

Bruce lifted his eyes from the book in his lap to find Tony entering the room. He hadn't even really been reading, his mind too tired to make sense of the words and his fingers too weak to even turn the pages.

"Hi, Tony." Bruce barely even got the words out before Tony started babbling on about his day, loosening his tie and undoing the top few buttons of his shirt. Bruce's eyes followed the motions of his partner's hands, finding it easier to focus on that than the words flowing out of Tony's mouth at a mile a minute. All he could think about was those hands touching him for the last time, those lips lingering close to his while he drew in his last few breaths.

"Hey." Tony's voice managed to cut through to Bruce's brain that time, and Bruce took a moment blink the dreary thoughts away. "You in there, Banner? Listening?"

"Yeah, yeah." Bruce lifted a hand to run it over his face, letting his book slip away onto the bed in the process. "I'm listening. Sorry, long day." He forced a little smile onto his face, turning his eyes towards Tony and trying to ignore the weariness in his voice.

Tony hummed a quiet agreement just before he flopped onto the bed beside his partner. "Well, as I was saying before you zoned," he continued teasingly, "Pepper said she wants to have lunch with you on Friday, something about discussing your developments in the clean energy thing you're working on. I know that I always get you on Fridays,  _and_ that you absolutely  _cherish_ that time with yours truly, but I guessI can give you up this one time." The engineer grinned crookedly, rolling onto his side to be closer to Bruce and throw an arm over his torso. "You in?"

Bruce paused to think for a moment. It was hard to take his attention off how good it felt to have Tony's arms around him, but he managed and eventually nodded. "Yeah." Sure, he could do that. If today was Tuesday, surely he could make it until Friday. At least that meant he would get one last chance to see Pepper, too. "I can do that."

"Good," Tony replied, smiling happily, "I'll let her know." He scooted closer to his boyfriend, their legs becoming a tangled mess as Tony leaned up over Bruce. There was a moment of pause between them, a moment when all they did was stare and breathe in each other's air, just before Tony lowered his head and their lips met.

For Bruce, the next moment after Tony's lips touched his felt as though time had stopped. He knew it sounded cliche to feel that way, but if his mind and the universe and his imminent doom were going to allow him this brief slice of bliss, he was going to take full advantage of it in every way he could. Tony's body was hovering just close enough over his that Bruce could feel the heat of their skin through their shirts, and the feeling of the gentle passes of Tony's hands over his body coupled with the friction of their lips was just enough to make Bruce's heart pick up for the first (and, unfortunately, probably last) time that day.

For a while they both just laid there, kissing and touching each other like a pair of bored and horny teenagers, except that anything on Bruce's mind was far from bored or casual. He was so completely immersed in savoring this time with Tony, making it count, even if his hands were almost too weak to caress his partner in return.

Eventually Tony broke the contact to draw in the air that Bruce hadn't even been thinking about. His arm was a little shaky from holding himself up, so after one last peck to Bruce's lips he rolled back onto the bed beside the other man. Bruce hadn't opened his eyes, still basking in as much comfort as he could get.

"Bruce?" Tony's voice cut through the haze and Bruce's eyes felt like the jolted open, even though it was really more of a slow flutter. "You alive, babe?"

Bruce turned his eyes over to Tony, just looking at his beautiful, truly just  _beautiful_ face for a minute before he actually processed his partner's words. "Yeah," Bruce said softly. "Mhmm. Still alive."  _For now, at least._

Tony tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow, giving Bruce that look that they both knew meant that Tony could read him like a book. Even so, the engineer just lowered his head to rest against Bruce's chest and didn't press any further beyond, "rough day?"

A small sigh left Bruce's lungs at Tony's words. He was sure that Tony could hear the softer, slower beat of his heart through his chest, but Bruce couldn't be concerned with that. Right now, he was just concerned with the warmth of Tony's body tangled with his, the pressure of his partner's head on his weary chest and the hair that tickled his chin. He rolled his head to the side, eyes squeezed shut as he buried his nose in Tony's thick, soft hair and did his best to hold the other man as tightly as he could.

"Yeah." Bruce's throat was tight, and he certainly hoped his voice didn't give it away. "You could say that."

* * *

"Hey, Bruce."

"Tony?" God, it felt good to hear his voice.

"Yeah. Hi, babe." Despite the somewhat crackly phone reception, the warm smile was almost audible in Tony's words. "You need something?"

"No."

Well, yes. He did. Bruce just needed to talk to Tony one last time, because he wouldn't,  _couldn't_ let his boyfriend see him like this.

Bruce drew in a breath, his chest heavy beneath the effort. "I just-I just wanted to know what you were up to. Say hello."

"Ah. Well,  _hello_ then. Uh, I just got out of another one of those damn budget meetings-Christ, what is this, the fourth one in two weeks? Pep's giving me everything, I swear. It's not like we don't have enough money to throw into the clean energy project already, and she  _knows_ that I'd fund that in a second even if we didn't. You're still having lunch with her on Friday, right?"

Bruce smiled weakly, eyes closed. Typical Tony and his budget complaints. "Friday?"  _Sorry, Pepper. Doesn't look like I'm going to make it._ "Um, I… don't know. Schedule filled up pretty fast, I'll have to look again."

"Oh. Okay, well, let me know and I'll pass it along. Or have somebody's assistant pass it along. We'll figure it out. How about right now, though? You free? 'Cause I could  _really_ use some food and a good look at your beautiful face."

Bruce felt his slowing heart almost skip a beat.  _God, yes. Yes, I want to see your beautiful face too, Tony. I really do._

_But you can't see me like this. Weak, broken._

_Fading._

"No." Bruce did his best to stifle his shaky sigh. "I can't."

"Really? You sure?"

"Yes." The word stung.

"Alright, then. I just figured that since you called…" Tony paused, and Bruce could picture him shrugging before he continued, "tonight, then. We haven't gone out in a while, I'll take you to that nice Italian place on 51st. It's a date. Okay?"

"Okay." Bruce figured that he would just agree rather than think about Tony going on that date alone. "Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Dr. Banner."

Bruce smiled to himself, forcing it wide and warm enough that Tony would believe it if it he saw it. "I love you more, Mr. Stark."

Thankfully, the phone line cut out just before Tony could hear Bruce take his last breath.


End file.
